Domestic violence doesn’t happen in isolation and domestic violence affects more than the person experiencing the abuse. It can affect children, youth, caregivers, siblings, and the entire family system. Children may hear arguments, witness violence, experience changes in routines, see a caregiver afraid, or feel responsible for keeping the family safe
When violence or coercive control happens within a family, it can shape how children and young people see safety, trust, relationships, identity, emotions, and themselves. It can also impact caregivers and the way families communicate, connect with one another, parent, and begin to heal.
A child experiencing domestic violence may:
- Become withdrawn
- Have difficulty sleeping
- Experience anxiety or fear
- Become unusually angry or aggressive
- Have difficulty concentrating
- Experience changes in school performance
- Become overly responsible or protective
- Have difficulty separating from caregivers
- Become unusually quiet or compliant
- Have difficulty trusting others
A child may begin to believe:
- “I have to protect my parent.”
- “I can’t trust people.”
- “I need to stay quiet.”
- “I have to be the strong one.”
- “Love means being afraid.”
- “It’s my job to fix things.”
These beliefs can shape how young people understand themselves and their relationships.
But trauma does not get to define who a young person becomes.
Experiencing trauma does not mean a child or family has lost their ability to heal and move forward. Children and families are more than what happened to them. They also carry strengths, connections, identities, and the capacity to heal.
Understanding the impact is the first step toward creating spaces for safety, connection, and healing. With safety, supportive relationships, and opportunities to be heard, children and youth can develop new ways of understanding themselves, relationships, and the world around them.
How Adults Can Support Children
Children don’t always need adults to have all the answers. They need adults who can:
Listen. Give them space to talk without pressure.
Believe. Take their concerns seriously.
Reassure. Tell them the violence is not their fault.
Protect. Help create physical and emotional safety.
Connect. Maintain supportive relationships and routines when possible.
Normalize support. Let them know asking for help is a strength.
Give them agency. Offer age-appropriate choices whenever possible.
Healing Can Look Different for Every Family
For one child, healing might mean sleeping through the night, but for others, it might mean feeling safe enough to speak. For a teenager, healing might mean learning that healthy relationships don’t require fear or control. For a caregiver, it might mean rebuilding confidence. And for a whole family, it could mean learning how to communicate differently.
Healing doesn’t mean pretending the violence never happened, but rather, creating space for something different moving forward. Children, young people, and families are more than what they’ve been through. They are the ones who define their identities.